Saying goodbye to daddy

Yes, it's be a very long time since I've posted on my blog. Life has been crazy (hasn't it been for everyone?).

Three years ago I wrote my first eulogy, which was for my mom. I can never be too serious, so humor was the main component of what I wrote, and read, at the funeral.

Three years and a day later, daddy died.

Here I am again, saying goodbye. I'm technically an orphan.

But, as always, I can't be that serious. So here is what I will be reading at his funeral tomorrow. I hope you can enjoy the humor and get a glimpse of the man I loved so dearly.

We are all here today to celebrate the life of a man that would take the shirt off his back for anyone and knew exactly how to fix anything (as long as he had enough duct tape and WD-40).

Dad was a fun loving, kind and caring man who was known for his long, entertaining stories; of which he loved to repeat often.

His over 20 years as a corrections officer afforded hundreds of men and women exposure to dad’s unique sense of humor.

His regrets were few but include eating a rotisserie hot dog from a convenience store in the summer of ‘98, not training his faithful Chihuahua Chewy to deer hunt, and that no video evidence exists of his near-death experiences, of which there were many.

There were so many in fact that there’s not enough time to tell you all about them.

Like, I could tell you about the time, when he was only two, that his dad accidentally ran over him with the family car.

Or the time he was put in charge of a Royal Rangers camping trip, in which he decided to show a group of 12-year-old boys a fast draw with his six shooter. A bullet wound and some hard earned first aid badges later, the boys managed to carry him a mile up the hill to another troop pack who got him to the hospital.

Or I could even tell you about the time he blew up the garage while welding, causing the door handle to shoot down the hallway, along with the cat. It took three days to find him. The cat, not Dad.

Honestly, he had so many near death experiences, the family joked that his guardian angels’ robes were in tatters and smoking.

I guess the best story I can tell you of dad’s guardian angels working overtime, is when he went out hiking with our uncle Chip. They came upon an overlook that was 40 feet above a creek, fed from a cave beneath their feet.

Dad, wanting to get a better look at the cave, decided to jump out and hang from the branch of a tree at the edge of the overhang. However, the tree wasn’t having any of it and promptly uprooted itself, sending dad careening 40 feet down to land in the middle of a rocky creek bed. Somehow, he managed to survive with only bumps and bruises (though it would explain his back problems after that).

For 71 years, dad was literally inches from death, more times than I can count on both hands. The whole family wondered when the next accident would be his last.

But God has shown us, it is only when He calls us, that our time has come. Even dad, who I’m sure tested our gracious Lord’s patience at times, would not go before his time.

So, I leave you with this:

Don’t eat convenience store hot dogs.

Never lean down with an open flame to see where your welder is leaking.

And always live life to its fullest.

Wolf's Beautiful Beast - New Release and Teaser Trailer

 After nearly four years, Wolf's Beautiful Beast has finally arrived!  Check out this amazing teaser trailer!

What harm could come from picking a rose?

Under the silver glow of the moon, Lycus was cursed to run through Blakx Forest in wolf form. All that changed when Rapunzel set him free. Now, after learning she and Red plan to journey to the Land of Oz, he joins their adventure... oblivious to the darkness they will soon face.

Stranded in the land of Bruen, the trio hears whispers of a lost princess and a horrible beast. After sticking his nose where the king felt it didn’t belong, Lycus is forced to join the hunting party to kill the beast and rescue the princess.

Proving no good deed goes unpunished, Lycus is captured by the same beast he was ordered to slay. It doesn’t take long for him to realize all is not as it seems in the abandoned castle and there is far more to this story than meets the eye.

Racing against the clock, can Lycus save the princess before his friends are imprisoned for his mistake? Or will he be forced to choose between his beauty and the beast within?

Only one more sleep until "Wolf's Beautiful Beast" arrives!

Only one more sleep (as if I will be able to sleep) until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast?" It has been a long four years, but it is finally happening. I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful in your love of my books. This book is truly for you! Well, just for you, here is the final sneak peek!

            Placing my finger over my lips, I stepped out from under the shelter, looking up. There was no obvious disturbance. Most of the windows were already broken, and chunks of the masonry had long been degraded by weather and time. However, high in the tower, Arabella’s plush curtains billowed through the window, shards of broken glass glinting in the moonlight.

            I turned to Red. “Stay here. I need you to cut him off should he makes his way past me.”

            “No!” she begged, trembling under her flowing red cape. “I will stay with you. You can’t take him on your own.”

            Placing a hand on her shoulder, I steadied her. “The best way to help me is to keep yourself safe and make sure he doesn’t escape. If he comes through this courtyard, I expect you to take him down.”

            I hugged her, kissing her forehead. “If things do go awry, find the horse and get back to Rapunzel. Get her out of this godsforsaken kingdom.”

            She released a shaky breath, nodding in understanding.

           Without the benefit of a torch, I sneaked through the long halls of the castle. I had spent enough time walking the corridors to know where I was going.

            Running as quietly as possible, I made my way down the long hall that led to the split staircase. As I descended the steps to the landing, I heard the deep growl of the beast, accompanied by furniture being knocked about.

            Reaching Arabella’s room, I found the door wide open. Inside, the once beautiful sanctuary of the princess had been destroyed. The curtains, shredded down one side, flapped in the wind out the broken window. Her shelves of books lay scattered across the ground. Even her bed was mangled; the small white down feathers floated on the cold breeze.

ATTENTION Just 2 more days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast!"

Can it seriously only be two more days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast?" The excitement is overwhelming!!! Well, just for you, here is today's sneak peek!

            “Out of the way,” hissed the soldier. “This doesn’t concern you.”

            Jumping from the wagon, I called out. “There’s no need for this. Certainly the woman could be let off with a warning.”

            “She’s been warned,” he ground out through clenched teeth. “This old…”

            “Captain!” barked General Drax. “Stand down!”

            The soldier glanced between us and his commanding officer. With a heavy sigh, he mounted his horse and guided it back into line with the wagon.

            The general nodded to Red. “My apologies. My men can get a little overzealous in their duties.”

            “Do their duties include beating on old women?” Red spat, continuing to stand protectively by the woman.

            “Of course not,” Drax insisted, placing a hand to his heart. “A simple misunderstanding, I promise you. Rest assured, I will be addressing it as soon as we reach the castle.”

            I placed a hand on Red’s shoulder. “Let’s go. You have done right by her, now we need to see Rapunzel to the castle. She’ll catch her death in this cold.”

            Reluctantly, Red turned to the old woman. “Please take care of yourself.”

            “Bless you, child,” she replied, taking Red’s hands in her own. They were tanned and wrinkled, showing the years of hard labor and weather.

            Red walked to the wagon. As I turned to follow, the old woman grabbed my arm. The shock of her icy touch against my warm skin felt like a bolt of lightning surging through my body.

            “Danger,” she murmured, her voice but a whisper in the blowing wind. “You must leave before it comes.”

            I furrowed my brow. “What comes?”

            Her cloudy, gray eyes bore into mine. “It comes in the night.”

Just 3 days until Wolf's Beautiful Beast arrives!

I can't believe it is only three more days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast!" Here is today's sneak peek!

I first pushed against the door, but it was not going to give easily. I tried kicking it, but it barely budged. Running as fast as I could, I slammed my shoulder into the wood. I bounced off, falling to the floor in a heap. I was almost certain the crack I heard was not the wood, but my bones.

            “Gods help me,” I cried out, grabbing my injured shoulder. “What is it made of? Stone?”

            The door clicked and slowly opened. “Actually, I believe white oak,” said Arabella, carrying a silver pitcher, along with a towel. “I thought you might want to clean up.” She stepped past me as though nothing about the situation was out of the ordinary.

            I winced as I stood. “Where were you all night?”

            “Doing the beast’s bidding.” She groaned, setting the pitcher and towel on the small table by the window. “As I’ve done every night for the past… how long has it been?”

            “My understanding is you’ve been missing for five years,” I explained, stepping closer.

            She turned on her heel, eyes wide as she searched my face. “Has it really been only five years?” She stood silently for several moments, staring through me.

            “I… uh… believe so,” I slowly approached her. “That’s just what I was told by the king and queen.”

            Her eyes shot to mine. “My parents? They sent you, didn’t they?” She turned back to the table, pouring the water in a basin. “Well, I’m sorry to say their efforts will be fruitless.”

            “But it doesn’t have to be.” Reaching out, I touched her shoulder. She jerked away, knocking over the basin. Water pooled at her feet as she backed against the wall, staring me down.

            “I’m sorry,” I said, putting my hands up in surrender. “I never meant to scare you.”

            She took deep, slow breaths as her gaze fell between the door and me.

            “Princess, I…”

            “I am not the princess anymore,” she growled, yanking the towel from the table and bending to dry up the mess. 

Only 4 more days until Wolf's Beautiful Beast drops!

Only four more days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast!" Here is today's sneak peek!

A low rumble emanated from the beast as it turned and moved to all fours. It lowered its head, horns aligning to charge. The beast’s ember red eyes bored into me, the rumble turning into a full-fledged roar. It kicked off the ground, snow and mud flying in its wake.

I growled, willing my body to act when everything in me said flee. I leaped into the air, intent on meeting the beast head on. However, as our paths came to a head, the creature burst into the air, spreading its wings to clear me with ease.

The sound of metal clanged as it landed. I spun, recalculating my attack. It had landed on General Drax. The beast loomed over him, saliva falling in his face from its snarling teeth. I growled, snagging its attention away from the general for a split second. It was enough. Drax grabbed his dagger and pierced the leg of the creature.

Roaring, the beast retreated several paces, allowing Drax to scramble to his feet. He grabbed a long limb from the fire, throwing it at the feet of the creature. Its eyes shown orange in the burning light.

The beast stretched its golden wings, fanning the flames. Hot embers flew toward the general and his men, causing them to turn and shield their faces.

The creature looked at me one last time, releasing a small groan. Then, like a great eagle, it lifted into the air and into the cover of darkness.

For several moments, everyone stood still as the grave. Tension rose as we waited for another attack. I listened and scanned the area for an ambush. When I felt it was safe, I transitioned back into the man, grabbing a nearby cloak to wrap around me.

General Drax scowled at me as he wiped mud and drool from his face.

Clenching my teeth, I grabbed my bag and headed into the darkness to dress. “Still under the impression that the beast doesn’t exist?”

Only 5 more days until the release of Wolf's Beautiful Beast

 

 Just five more days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast!" Here is today's sneak peek!

Red yelped and jumped back, then burst into a laugh. “Did I scare you?”

“What are you doing out here?” I growled, crossing the distance between us. “Don’t you know it’s dangerous?”

“Obviously.” She giggled, covering her mouth. “The big bad wolf and his wall of flowers might get me.”

I glared at her. “Keep your voice down. Don’t you see what this means?”

She stepped forward, squinting to get a better look. “Well, given the fact that these roses are growing in the dead of winter means this place has magic.” She plucked a nearby red rose from the vine.

“No!” I hissed, reaching for the bloom.

Pulling away, she brought the flower to her nose. “Calm down, Lycus. What harm could come from picking a rose?”

“Remember,” I whispered. “The boy said the beast is attracted to these roses. That is why it attacked the kingdom before. If this place is covered in roses, then…”

“Then we’re standing on the edge of its lair,” Red gulped, glancing around.

“And it means the princess could be here,” I murmured, turning back to the wall. I stretched to look through a gap in the abandoned courtyard.

Suddenly, the air erupted in a bone-chilling roar that cut to the core. Red and I threw our hands over our ears.

Wolf's Beautiful Beast releases in 6 days!

 

 Only six more days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast!" Here is today's sneak peek!

           Arabella looked up from her reading. “I could have told you; the words won’t magically change to give you the answer, Lycus.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

            “There must be something,” I argued, pulling a different book in front of me and opening it.

            She stood and walked to my side of the table, slowly closing the book. “Lycus, stop.”

            My brows furrowed as I took in her gaze. Her eyes were soft with apology.

            “You have to stop now,” she instructed, pushing the books out of the way and sitting on the table. “You’ve already given me more than I ever could have hoped for. I am no longer terrorized by fear of the beast. I’m… free.”

            I stood abruptly, my chair falling over. “You’re not free! You are a prisoner in this hellhole. You have a life waiting for you back in Bruen. Can’t you see that?”

            She shook her head, looking down at her hands. “That life is lost to me. And I accept that.”

            I grasped her shoulders, standing before her. “I don’t. I will not let you live like this… it’s no life. Just a half-life.”

            She reached up, her fingertips running down my cheek. I drank in her eyes, nose… lips. The sun shone through the dusty window, creating a halo against her dark chocolate hair. My heart skipped.

            “Arabella, I can’t leave you behind,” I said, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face. “But you know I can’t stay.”

            She leaned into my hand, cupping it with her own. “I know.”

            My stomach flipped when her eyes met mine. They appeared as deep pools calling me into the depths, and I desperately wanted to drown in them.

            “Lycus,” she murmured, leaning into me and tracing her fingers over the stubble on my chin.

            I swallowed hard, my throat tight. I fought to keep my knees from trembling. Leaning forward, I ran my fingers through her hair as I cupped the back of her head. She leaned in, staring at my lips. 

7 Days until Wolf's Beautiful Beast Releases!

Only seven days until the release of "Wolf's Beautiful Beast!" Here is today's sneak peek!

Water began to seep from under the door. I looked out in the hall and saw a steady stream of water coming up from the stern of the ship.

            “Time to go,” I instructed, crossing the small cabin and scooping up Rapunzel in my arms.
            “We can’t just jump off the ship,” Red hissed, picking up her satchel and bow. “We’ll drown under the weight of the waves.”
            “Not if I shift,” I countered. “As a wolf, I can carry you both to safety.”
            “No!” Red barked. “She’s already so weak. And you don’t even know if you can force it.”
            “I did it once,” I argued.
            “By accident!”
            “Stop arguing,” Rapunzel pleaded.
            “Look, we will all be dead in ten minutes if I don’t try,” I countered. “Honestly, Red, must you always be so pigheaded?”
            Her expression changed to that of a scolded child, and I regretted my tone. I decided I would apologize if we survived. At that moment, I needed her to listen to me.
            We raced up the stairs to the upper deck. There were far fewer men than before. I wasn’t sure if it was because they had retreated below deck or they had been swept out to sea. I carried Rapunzel behind a pile of secured crates and sat her down.
            “Will it work?” Red shouted against the wind, shielding Rapunzel from the onslaught of rain.
            “Only one way to find out,” I said. 

Wolf's Beautiful Beast - Chapter sneak peeks!

It has been four years in the making, but Wolf's Beautiful Beast officially launches a week from tomorrow! The excitement is truly overwhelming for me. I'm excited, nervous, terrified, thrilled, horrified, and more. Of course I'm happy that the book is finally seeing the light of day, but I'm scared what my fans will think. Those who have read it love it, but will my other fans be so receptive? I know you can't make everyone happy, but I want to!!!!

Anyway, I decided that starting tomorrow, Friday, March 11, I will be doing a countdown that includes a daily sneak peek inside the book! Each day, a new section of the book will be released here and on my Facebook and Instragram accounts.

This will be a fun way to get my fans super excited and ready to read when it drops on Friday, March 19. 

Until then, however, I thought this little teasers would be a good way to whet your appetite! 

Wolf's Beautiful Beast - Release party and giveaway!

Now that Wolf's Beautiful Beast is just around the corner, I felt it was only fitting to start a huge giveaway!

Who wants signed papers? Maybe a free eBook? Who wouldn't love a Beauty and the Beast prize package? 

Well we have that and much more!

This Rafflecopter giveaway (below) will be running through March 20th, and their are entries you can take part in every day. This gives you even more chances to win!

For more information, feel free to visit the Facebook Event Party for details and pictures of all the amazing prizes.

On a different note, I simply want to thank all of you who have sent me emails and messages of encouragement as I battled the depression and writers block. I'm so thankful for you all, I can't even put it into words. The true fans of this series are who helped me survive and push through the forest to see the light on the other side. I love you all dearly and am so excited for you to finally get to read this book.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wolf's Beautiful Beast - Cover Reveal

Wolf's Beautiful Beast has been a rose thorn in my side for four years. Don't get me wrong, I adore the story. It's just, Beauty and the Beast is my all time favorite fairy tale... like ever. That being said, I felt a lot of pressure to deliver an amazing twist to the classic tale and every time I put pen to paper, my brain would lock up.

I'd get a few sentences or even scenes once and a while, but what had come so easy before stopped as though it has hit a castle wall. However, the story was still alive in the back of my mind, I just needed to release it brick by brick.

After four years, countless tears, and many rewrites, I can happily announce that Wolf's Beautiful Beast is coming March 19th! 

So without further ado, let me present the cover and official synopsis!

            What harm could come from picking a rose?

Under the silver glow of the moon, Lycus was cursed to run through Blakx forest in wolf form. All that changed when Rapunzel set him free. Now, after learning she and Red plan to journey to the Land of Oz, he joins their adventure... oblivious to the darkness they will soon face.

Stranded in the land of Bruen, the trio hears whispers of a lost princess and a horrible beast. After sticking his nose where the king felt it didn’t belong, Lycus is forced to join the hunting party to kill the beast and rescue the princess.

Proving no good deed goes unpunished, Lycus is captured by the same beast he was ordered to slay. It doesn’t take long for him to realize all is not as it seems in the abandoned castle and there is far to this story than meets the eye.

Racing against the clock, can Lycus save the princess before his friends are imprisoned for his mistake? Or will he be forced to choose between his beauty and the beast within?

PREORDER TODAY! 

Want more? Join us on Facebook for the release party event that will take place March 19. We are already doing giveaways and contests, and new book teasers will be revealed between now and release day; so don't miss out!

Hook's Little Mermaid - Teaser Trailer!

With the release of Wolf's Beautiful Beast just around the corner, I felt it was time to rebrand my The Untold Stories book series to fit their genre better.

I personally illustrated each cover (which was grueling but very satisfying), giving the central mix fairytales theme the focus.

Once that was done, I felt the only way to truly showcase this change was to create some amazing teaser trailers to tickle the interest of both past, and new, readers of the series!

So without further ado, may I introduce, Hook's Tangled Tale, now available on Amazon and Audible!

What a long year it was...

I definitely know I am not alone when I say 2020 was a long year. The obviousness for me is in my silence on this blog.

In 2019 my aunt, my mother, my cat, and my grandmother all passed away. It was, to say the least, a devastating year. 

So when 2020 rolled around I knew it was going to be my year (like we all did right?). It started out great! I had two new children's books coming out. I signed up to attend three different author/book conferences. I even was finalizing 'Wolf's Beautiful Beast' which I had been stuck on (darn writers block) for a couple years.

Then it hit. You know what IT I speak of. IT which shall not be named but rhymes with Sharona Cyrus. lol

My kids' school closed, and I was thrown into homeschooling. The author conferences were canceled. Worst of all there was no toilet paper in sight!

I tried to make the best of a crazy situation. I still managed to get my Buddy the Blue Corgi children's books published, which was super exciting. I decided to enjoy my time home with the kids, instead of seeing it as an inconvenience. We played a lot of board games last summer.

Then my cousin and her husband got sick with the virus. They ended up passing away within two days of each other. More and more people I knew ended up sick; thankfully all recovered. But fear set in. My husband is an essential worker, and the main provider for our family. He had to work, but I worried for my children.

After much research, and loads more prayer, I decided to be safe but to give the worry to God. Thankfully, even though my husband is in constant contact with people, none of us has gotten sick.

This were looking up.

Then my aunt Rhoda got sick. She had a relapse of cancer. The aunt who I talked to nearly every week, now didn't have the strength to talk for five minutes. She was miserable and the chemo wasn't working. So she made a decision. She wasn't going to spend the last little bit of her life sick just to extend the misery.

She passed away just after Christmas.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh my God, this is such a downer of a story!" I apologize for that. It is actually not the intension, nor the end of the story.

You see, this is a story of perseverance. It's a story to show you that no matter what, we simply have to go on and make the most of life. And that's what I'm doing.

Last month, I got so angry at myself for not finishing 'Wolf's Beautiful Beast' that I told myself I was getting it done. So much so that I booked my editor! I knew I had to get it done then, or I'd be out my deposit.

So, I spend many overnight writing sessions writing and editing, and writing and editing, and writing some more. Then it happened. I had finished it! While it had been nearly 4 years of writers block, I managed to finish it in a few weeks!

Now, I'm busy preparing for the release party that will take place on March 19 on Facebook!

The world is still crazy, and bad things seem to keep happening, but I managed to pull the positives out and not reflect on the negatives. I encourage you to do that in whatever situation life is throwing at you right now. Whether it's personal or professional, whatever is causing you worry and grief, find the silver lining and shine.

Saying goodbye to my 'Cat on the Lap'

Many of you know, my blog is called "Cat on the Lap" for a reason. That reason passed away on Monday.

He was my constant companion (literally morning, noon, and night) for eleven years (we rescued him from a shelter when he was two).

As the family says goodbye to our beloved Donut Kitty, we want to offer some comfort to those who have lost pets.

While the Bible does not directly address whether our fur babies go to Heaven, it does promise that God knows what we need to be happy.

"What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived - the things God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

God is preparing Heaven for each and every one of us. He knows what we need to be joyous. So, it stands to reason, not only our loved ones would be waiting for us.

Another verse that talks of the promises of our Lord is in Romans.

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32 (NIV)

God knew what He was doing when he brought that fur baby into your life. He not only hears your cries as you mourn their passing, but He feels the pain those missing paw prints have left in your heart.

So, to anyone who has lost that beloved pet, do not be discouraged. Let your heart be blessed knowing that God brought them into your life, and there are greater things we cannot even imagine, waiting for us when we arrive in Heaven.

The Bed Wife Chronicles is on Audible!

Over five years ago, The Bed Wife came to me in a dream. Three days later, the first book was written.

A lot has happened in those five years. I've published a total of nine books; lost both my in-laws, an aunt, and my mother; gone through bankruptcy; dyed my hair multiple colors; and somehow managed to raise three children and stay happily married. I can only imagine with excitement (and some anxiousness) what the next five years will bring.

The Bed Wife Chronicles has always been my baby. It was my first story I had written, but I loved it because for the first time I felt like I was making a difference to others. I never imagined how many people would respond so positively to it, and dare I say, would become "Suzanna Lynn Fans!"

So, in celebration of this five year anniversary, I teamed up with the absolutely amazing David Maxwell. Thanks to his amazing voice acting abilities, we have brought "The Bed Wife Chronicles" to life on Audible!  That's right, you can now listen to the story that started it all! No, this is not simply a guy reading a story to you. He is bringing the story to life through his awe-inspiring voice!

So, be sure to head over to Audible or Amazon, and grab your copies today!

Also, in celebration of the release, we are doing a giveaway! You could win one of MANY prizes available by entering in the Rafflecopter giveaway below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Some much needed joy

It's only Thursday but it feels like this week has drawn on for months. We were all feeling a bit down, after saying goodbye to momma. So, my sister and I hatched a plan to spread a bit of happiness to the kiddos.

We made a surprise trip to Wild Animal Safari, which is a local drive through petting zoo!

They have all kinds of animals (that drooled and spit all over my Jeep nicely), including Zebra, Wildebeest, Ostriches, Camels, Deer, Donkeys, Zonkeys (zebra/donkey mix), and more! They also have a walkabout area, where they house their big cats like Tigers, Lions, and even Ligers!

They let you feed most of the animals (obviously not the big cats) by hand, which was so fun. We screamed several times when the animals thought it would be a good idea of try to get into the car to get more food.

The temptation to grab up a white baby donkey, a couple baby goats, and a monkey were pretty hard! But we decided they would probably be taken care of better at the facility, so we let them keep them for now.

God gave us a little blessing as well. We noticed a goat was acting very distressed. It turned out she was giving birth! We stuck around to watch and another one was on the way! Twins!

We have spent so much time mourning lately, we have been lacking in the joy department. This brought us out of the gloom and into to the light. A day full of joy and laughter.

Goodbye Momma - a eulogy

It has been a very long month. Stubborn until the end, mom held on longer than anyone thought possible.

My sister and I worked tirelessly to make all the funeral arrangements. We even decided we would hold the funeral ourselves, instead of getting a pastor that didn't know her to hold it.

The day was supposed to be covered in thunderstorms, but God gave us a miracle and the clouds parted for our little graveside service.

The next blessing came in the form of guests. Mom was extremely shy, so making friends in her older years was very difficult. However, friends from her childhood and early married years showed up to pay their respects. It truly blessed me to see so many people having to stand because there weren't enough chairs.

The big event of the day was when I was chosen to give mom's eulogy. I have done plenty of public speaking, but never a eulogy. After a lot of thought, I decided that it needed to be funny. I was always able to make mom laugh, and felt this final act was necessary to give me closure as well as reflect a celebration of her life.

Here is what I had to say:

Family and friends, thank you for coming. It would have warmed mom’s heart to know each of you were here to celebrate the woman she was.

When I decided I wanted to give a speech at her funeral, I did a little research. As an author, there is always a degree of pressure when it comes to writing – but when writing a eulogy, there are certain rules one must stick to.

Rule number one - keep in broad. Too many personal experiences will weigh down your speech.

Two - keep it brief. Studies show, people stop listening after three minutes.

Three - keep it classy. Make it a dignified reflection of the person.

And four – keep it together. Composure and poise is key to your speech.

These are great things to keep in mind when writing a good eulogy. That being said, I will not be keeping to any of these rules today. While this may be a shock to some, it would be no surprise to mom. It took great pleasure in making her laugh, even in some of the more serious situations life threw at us.

So, as a tribute, I am going to tell you what I wanted to write in the obituary – but April had the sense to sensor me.
………………………………………

Mom passed away peacefully in her sleep at Magnolia Square Nursing Home on July 24, 2019. It is believed she lost patience with the nurses and deciding to push the ‘Call Jesus’ button instead.

She left behind a treasure trove of items to my sister and I, and we have absolutely no clue what to do with them. So, if you're looking for an extremely large bookcase that leans, a dusty, chipped, ceramic teapot collection, a slightly used microwave, or even a 1999 Buick with only 189,000 miles and a trunk full of 763 screwdrivers; let us know.

No, this is not an ad for a pawn shop, but a story of a great woman, mother, and grandmother.

Mom was an avid artist, especially when it came to painting and working with ceramics. She could put brush to canvas and create beautiful paintings that seemed effortless. In fact, she had a case full of every color oil paint you could ever want. However, they had to be thrown out due to an artistic family of mice who decided to take up residency in the art case, and snack on the paints. They did leave behind an array of Prismacolor droppings that would likely be considered award-winning art on the modern-day market.

In addition to art, she loved making crafts. Hobby Lobby was probably her favorite store. However, after discovering her hidden closets of craft supplies, we quickly concluded that crafting and purchasing craft supplies were – in fact – two different hobbies of hers. Sadly, these hobbies have been inherited by both April and I; as we too, have hidden craft supply closets.

Mom loved scary movies, especially the B-rated ones like The Blog, Jaws, and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. She was frequently found watching them while holding a blanket near her face (should the need arise to hide her eyes). She also found this a useful punishment for her children, whom she would force to watch said movies should we need a little discipline. To this day, April cannot look at a tomato without laughing, while I still have an unhealthy obsessed with Great White Sharks.

Once I became a teenager and the “Jaws” marathons stopped working as punishment, mom was at a loss as to what to do with me. I remember her saying “I hope you have a child just like you someday!” Obviously, this was not meant to be a compliment. Sadly, mom had not considered that when I had that child, I would still be living with her! Jokes on you mom. However, she retaliated by moving in with me and my family last summer for several months. Well played, mom; well played.

Though all three of us have led busy lives, Mom, April, and I, tried to get together when we could. Case in point, when April and I took her out for sushi one Mother’s Day. While apprehensive, she tried it and actually started to enjoy it. She even tried some of the more exotic ones that included eel! However, we didn’t realize just how adventurous she was until she yelped and said “Wow, that one was a bit spicy.” My sister and I looked around confused, as we never ordered anything spicy. Suddenly, I yelled out, “Where’s the wasabi?” Mom had mistaken the large glob of wasabi as an avocado roll. She took it like a champ though, only drinking a few swallows of water before moving on.

Once she moved to Springfield, she spent a large part of her time volunteering at local charities like Crosslines, Boys and Girls Town, and Convoy of Hope. It meant a lot to her to be able to help those in need. Even after she became unable to volunteer due to her health, she supported various charities with small financial donations through the mail. This became apparent by the stacks of “fan mail” she received from those charities. If she’d had a penny for every “complimentary” return address label she received from St. Jude, she would have retired a rich woman.

If what I’ve said has shown you anything, it is that mom had a wonderful sense of humor. She loved to laugh, and thanks to the antics of her children and grandchildren, she had the opportunity to laugh a lot. This is something we have all thankfully inherited from her.

So, in closing I will leave with the words mom said to me often when I spoke to her about my pain and problems. “This too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.”