Saying goodbye to daddy

Yes, it's be a very long time since I've posted on my blog. Life has been crazy (hasn't it been for everyone?).

Three years ago I wrote my first eulogy, which was for my mom. I can never be too serious, so humor was the main component of what I wrote, and read, at the funeral.

Three years and a day later, daddy died.

Here I am again, saying goodbye. I'm technically an orphan.

But, as always, I can't be that serious. So here is what I will be reading at his funeral tomorrow. I hope you can enjoy the humor and get a glimpse of the man I loved so dearly.

We are all here today to celebrate the life of a man that would take the shirt off his back for anyone and knew exactly how to fix anything (as long as he had enough duct tape and WD-40).

Dad was a fun loving, kind and caring man who was known for his long, entertaining stories; of which he loved to repeat often.

His over 20 years as a corrections officer afforded hundreds of men and women exposure to dad’s unique sense of humor.

His regrets were few but include eating a rotisserie hot dog from a convenience store in the summer of ‘98, not training his faithful Chihuahua Chewy to deer hunt, and that no video evidence exists of his near-death experiences, of which there were many.

There were so many in fact that there’s not enough time to tell you all about them.

Like, I could tell you about the time, when he was only two, that his dad accidentally ran over him with the family car.

Or the time he was put in charge of a Royal Rangers camping trip, in which he decided to show a group of 12-year-old boys a fast draw with his six shooter. A bullet wound and some hard earned first aid badges later, the boys managed to carry him a mile up the hill to another troop pack who got him to the hospital.

Or I could even tell you about the time he blew up the garage while welding, causing the door handle to shoot down the hallway, along with the cat. It took three days to find him. The cat, not Dad.

Honestly, he had so many near death experiences, the family joked that his guardian angels’ robes were in tatters and smoking.

I guess the best story I can tell you of dad’s guardian angels working overtime, is when he went out hiking with our uncle Chip. They came upon an overlook that was 40 feet above a creek, fed from a cave beneath their feet.

Dad, wanting to get a better look at the cave, decided to jump out and hang from the branch of a tree at the edge of the overhang. However, the tree wasn’t having any of it and promptly uprooted itself, sending dad careening 40 feet down to land in the middle of a rocky creek bed. Somehow, he managed to survive with only bumps and bruises (though it would explain his back problems after that).

For 71 years, dad was literally inches from death, more times than I can count on both hands. The whole family wondered when the next accident would be his last.

But God has shown us, it is only when He calls us, that our time has come. Even dad, who I’m sure tested our gracious Lord’s patience at times, would not go before his time.

So, I leave you with this:

Don’t eat convenience store hot dogs.

Never lean down with an open flame to see where your welder is leaking.

And always live life to its fullest.